The Unexpected
by MariaABC
Summary: The SVU squad has to investigate a vicious crime committed against one of there own, while the victim struggles to resume their life.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer; I do not own Law and Order: Special Victims Unit or any characters associated with it.**

The blonde haired detective had just finished writing her reports when it started to pour outside. Fin walked into the squad room looking excited as the lieutenant walked out of her office, coat in her hand.

"What are you so happy about?" Olivia asked. Fin lowered his smile when Olivia pointed out his facial expression.

"Oh just stuff with my son, you know?" Just then, Carisi phone rang.

"Amanda, can you answer that." Olivia was obviously was annoyed with the blonde haired blue eyed detective who didn't show up for work, without bothering to call in.

"Detective Rollins SVU." Everyone looked at Rollins who was signaling to the squad that a victim had been found.

Fin and Olivia looked at each other. Fin was quick to notice the look of nervousness on Olivia's face. It had already been a late night, surely she wanted to get home and see Noah before he went to bed.

"Go home Liv. Rollins and I got this." Rollins hung up the phone. "We need to hurry, Fin you coming?" Rollins put her jacket on in a hurry and grabbed the keys to a squad car.

"Yeah I'm coming." Finn replied and rushed out the door after Rollins

As the detectives made their way up the stairs of the apartment complex, Rollins could help but wonder why dispatch had made this sound so critical. There was only one police car out front and the ambulance wasn't even on scene yet.

Finally, the detectives made it up the stairs to the 5th floor. The uniformed officer on the scene ran up to Fin and Rollins frantically. "Hurry!" He warned as he nearly ran to the apartment.

"Male mid to late 30's. Beaten badly. Numerous contusions to the face. And based on the crime scene, many other injuries." As they walked into the apartment, Fin and Rollins cringed at the awful sight. There was blood all over the carpet, now almost dry. A small frying pan was sitting next to the blood, dented and bloody. "This is awful." Rollins said as she surveyed the crime scene. Fin was obviously disgusted by the blood and the scene. "Wait, where is the vic?" in asked.

The officer pointed to the blood trail leading to the bathroom. "He is in there but he can barely talk. The few words he did say where request for the Special Victims Unit. We need you to get him out so he can be treated. His injuries could be life threatening."

Rollins walked up to the door as paramedics rushed into the apartment with a stretcher. Rollins knocked on the bathroom door. "Hey. It's Detective Rollins from SVU. You asked us too come? Please come out, we want to help." Rollins stopped talking. She knocked again. "We want to help. Please just open the door." Then Rollins heard the man harshly whispered. "I w..want to talk to the lieutenant. Please let me sp..speak to her."

Rollins looked at Fin. She is unavailable right now, but how about you come out and go to the hospital. You can wait for her there." Silence. Rollins tried to open the door but it was locked. "I...I guess." The voice said. "Hey you need to unlock the door." Rollins tried to explain but the man didn't listen. "I need to get home!" He yelled. "I can't be late!"

"Sir, you are home." Rollins yelled. She signaled to the paramedics to come closer. The man started to yell again. His words were slurring and he managed to spit out four words. "I need help." he said. Rollins was becoming frantic trying to open the door. Fin and Rollins looked at each other, but their expressions were cut short by a loud thud that came from the bathroom. "Open the door." Rollins yelled. "Open the door!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer; I do not own Law and Order: Special Victims Unit or any characters associated with it.**

 **I want to thank the viewers/ readers and those who commented. I would love feedback and all is accepted (even if it is negative). Thank you!**

As the victim was rolled into the ER, Rollins and Fin followed in the squad car. By now it was about nine o'clock, but Olivia managed to show up at the hospital.

"It is late should we just wait until morning? By then the vic should have gained consciousness." Rollins was eager to get home to Jesse. Liv just looked at Amanda. "Let's go talk to the doctor and see what he thinks." Olivia lead her detectives into the almost empty ER and asked the receptionist about the doctor. The woman sitting at the desk picked up the phone and explained that they needed the doctor. After she hung up the phone she started typing and looked up at the brunette detective. "The doctor is on his way, but you will have to make your questions fast, the patient is critical. Please take a seat."

Rollins looked at her lieutenant. "What the hell happened?" Olivia asked. The younger detective just looked at her boss. "He locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out until he talked to you. I convinced him to go on the ambulance and he could talk to you at the hospital. He agreed but he just… He just started yelling and freaking out in the bathroom. I tried to get in but the door was locked then he fainted." Rollins looked confused as she explained the story. Olivia looked at Fin to finish the story that Amanda had started. "I tried to kick the door open but it wouldn't budge. We had to use an oxygen tank from the ambulans. When we opened the door the vic was bloody and bruised. One of the worst I've seen." Olivia understood. "Do we know who the vic is?" she asked but before anyone could answer the doctor was running down the hallway. Olivia stood up. "Hello I'm Lieutenant Benson for the Special Victims Unit about your new patient. What is his condition and will we be able to talk to him soon?" The doctor looked impatiently at the lieutenant. "He has multiple injuries. You will have to wait until morning to talk to the patient, I need to take him into emergency surgery for internal bleeding in the abdomen but I will have someone contact you tomorrow." The doctor ran back down the hallway and rushed into the elevator. "Wow." Fin looked at Amanda, who just stared back at him.

As Amanda got home, Jesse was already asleep. Amanda went to her fridge and realized that she wasn't hungry, but she just wanted to go to bed, but the blonde detective found herself worried about the man that she had "saved" earlier. _I was almost there!_ She thought. _If I was just a little faster he wouldn't have fainted or hit his head. But it isn't my fault._ Amanda battled herself in her head. _Why does it even matter this much to me?_

In the morning, Olivia woke up early to a call from the hospital. First the lieutenant stopped into work to read the man's file. It didn't have much inside. The time it was called in, his request to talk to SVU, and some pictures of the crime scene along with what little evidence was found. Seeing that his file would not help, Liv drove to the hospital to talk to the victim.

Olivia found herself in a small hospital room. Despite it still being dark outside, the room was well lit and full of nurses entering and exiting the room. Olivia walked up to the room but was stopped by the doctor. "I'm Doctor Huston. I am this man's doctor. Before you enter the room I should warn you that his face is swelled up severely. If you have any questions please feel free to ask." The doctor seemed polite. Olivia decided that she would ask him a few questions.

"What injuries does he have and what are their severity?"

The doctor's kind eyes turned dark and sorrowful. "Well… He has a fractured patella, that will leave him in a brace for a while. A broken wrist and a dislocated shoulder along with two fractured ribs, contusions to the neck and face, and a severe concussion. It will be a long road for the man."

Olivia nodded her head, the doctor pointed her into the room. Laying on the hospital bed was a tall skinny man wrapped in bandages. His blonde hair was ruggedly place on his head and his face was shades of purple, blue, brown, and yellow. Olivia took in the awful sight. Sure, she had seen thing much worse than this. But no dismembered or burned body could request to speak to her. The brunette found herself deeply pitting the man and made a promise to do all she could for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer; I do not own Law and Order: SVU or any character associated with it.**

 **I would love it if anyone could give me comments (even if you dislike the story). If you have any request, they can be taken into consideration. Thank you!**

"When I was little I was afraid of the dark." The man said in a scratchy, hushed voice. "But then I realized that I was really just afraid that someone was hiding in the dark, ready to hurt me." The man sighed. Olivia's eyes turned sad as she looked at the man. "Then you grow up and get over that fear," the man continued. "I think that fear is coming back to me." A tear fell down the dark circle around the man's eye. "I know," Olivia said. "Some people just want to hurt others. But you survived. That's all you had to do… I heard you wanted to talk to me. Can you tell me what happened to you?"

"Well I don't remember. All I remember is my girlfriend gave me a beer and there was a lot of yelling, but that is it."

"Has your girlfriend ever hit you?"

"Yeah but… But I'm a man I can take it. You never hit back."

"Okay, could she have done this too you?"

Then man stopped to think. "Yeah… Well maybe. Actually no. Why would she?"

Olivia tried to explain. "Well sometime people tell you they love you but th-" The man stopped her. I have experience with this stuff. She couldn't have…" Olivia looked at the man in pity as he realized that the one person he trusted so much had done such an awful thing to him. "Sir, have you ever been beaten in our life. Maybe by your father or a bully at school?" As another tear rolled down his bruised face, the blonde man tried to reply but was at a loss for words. "I don't remember." He started to panic. "I can't remember. What is wrong with me?"

"Hey calm down. It's okay. You have a concussion." Olivia tried to explain but the man fell asleep. His soft snores were somewhat of a comfort to Olivia, _he can't feel the pain right now._

Olivia left the hospital. When she arrived at the precinct, all of her detectives were at their desk. Well all but one.

"Where is Carisi?" Rollins asked. "Funny."Olivia replied. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

Rollins' boss was obviously somewhat distraught and now she was annoyed that her detective hadn't showed up. Fin stood up. "Why don't you call him Rollins." But as soon as Rollins put the phone up to her ear, she lowered it. "Voicemail." Olivia shook her head in annoyance. "Should we be worried Lieu?" Olivia looked at the younger detective. "I.. I really don't know." Liv walked into her office, sat down and pulled out the file. Upon looking at the file, she ran into the squadroom. "Go to the hospital and get the victim's name." Fin and Rollins got up and went to the hospital.

Olivia gave her detective some time but called them over and over until one of them answered.

"Hey Liv."

"Fin, what is his name?" Olivia heard some talking the background.

"He said Dom when we asked. Why are you being so impatient?"

"Fin you and Rollins stay at the hospital." Liv hung up the phone and grabbed her coat. _It makes sense now,_ she thought. _He was blonde, tall and thin._ Olivia traced her mind for any details she could remember. _He had…. He had blue eyes. Oh my… Oh my goodness._ Olivia started to run to the car. _The victim, he wanted to talk to me! Why did it take me so long to realize?_ Olivia was almost in tears from frustration, annoyance, and sadness. _That man. That man is Carisi. Oh God! That's my detective!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer; I do not own Law and Order: SVU or any characters associated with it.**

 **Thank you to those who have left moments. This is my first time writing and I am still nervous to see if people like my work, if you know what I mean. Thank you!**

"What the hell happened?" Olivia rushed into the hospital. Rollins' eyes were glassy, and Fin sitting next to her looked shaken up. "He had a seizure. The doctor said that it was due to the conclusion." Fin looked up at his boss then down at Rollins. Although lately Rollins and Carisi were having trouble connecting, they were still partners and friends. "Rollins why don't you go home for a little while. Spend some time getting yourself collected, and come back later." The young detective looked up at her boss. "I don't ne-"

"Rollins come back later." Olivia wouldn't take no for answer. Liv needed to talk to Fin about Carisi's condition anyway and Rollins would just get upset. Rollins got up and walked to Carisi's room, stopped, and walked towards the exit. Rollins was somewhat offended by the lieutenant's actions. _There is no way I am going home, not when Dominick has been assaulted. I guess I have to tell his family… This will be hard._

Amanda found herself at the precinct looking up Carisi's relatives. First on the list is hi mother. Amanda picked up the phone. After a few rings, the phone went to voicemail. Rollins repeated this for Dominick's three sisters. Only one answered and she promised that she would try to visit her brother, but the detective could tell that it would be the squad supporting Sonny. But Amanda felt like she needed to help him more, after all, Dominick was the one who saved her ass when she didn't know what to do with Jesse. She owed him this.

Olivia had been waiting in the waiting room for hours, just so she could talk to Dr. Huston. He was booked in surgeries all day, but agreed to talk to the lieutenant when he could. The short redheaded doctor ran down the hallway in dirtied scrubs. "How can I help you?" The doctor's voice was urgent yet still comforting. "What happened? Why did he have a seizure?" The doctor looked at the detective almost impatiently. "Nobody explained this to you?" The woman shook her head. Dr. Huston looked down at his watch. "I have to get back to the OR but I will get another doctor to explain what happened." The doctor ran out of the waiting room, stopped at a nurses station and pointed to Liv. Ask he left a nurse picked up the phone.

Within minutes, another doctor walked into the room. She was short and skinny. Her green eyes sparkled as she approached Fin and Olivia. "Hello. I am Doctor Rodgers. Please sit down." The detectives sat down next to each other when the doctor sat across from them. "The patient has a grade two concussion. Seizures are rare but possible when this happens. The only thing we can do is let him rest and prevent extra stress." Her green eyes turned a soft dark green. Olivia seemed extremely worried. "How long will his recovery be?"

"That depends. It is going to be a long road." Fin looked at the doctor. He had a question lingering in his mind since they got to the hospital. "Why did he lose conciseness?" The doctor looked at the man with sad eyes. "Blood loss. We have to finish his examination still but he had internal bleeding and.." The doctor hushed her voice, "he had cuts on his wrist." At this statement, Olivia stood up and pulled Fin up from his arm. Olivia looked at the doctor. "If you are suggesting that my detective is cutting…" The doctor stopped her. "Ma'am, I don't know what happened, I am just telling you his injuries."

Rollins had the apartment manager send over the surveillance tape. The woman that walked out of the apartment they found Carisi in, was distressed but from what Amanda could tell, the woman sustained no injuries. Amanda was angered, the video didn't manage to catch the woman's face. The blonde detective was just about to snap out of anger. _How did it miss her face? This is hopeless! No one even know Carisi had a girlfriend!_ Amanda walked over to the screen and just about popped the disc out but paused it, realizing there was a detail she failed to notice. The woman had a simple tattoo on her shoulder. They finally had a lead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer; I do not own LAw and Order: SVU or any characters associated with it.**

"Who is that?" Fin asked. "That is our suspect." Amanda was almost proud of her performance, but didn't show it due to who the victim was. "Then what are we waiting for? Less go pick her up."

Amanda walked into the hospital room full of flowers, but contained no people other than herself and the beaten man. Sonny was sleeping but Amanda still walked in. "We have a suspect," she whispered in his ear, "But we can't find her," she slowed her voice and changed her tone. "I… I need you to get better. Work is some much different. For one, I don't get connolly's every other day." She laughed. The man next to her snorted. Almost gracefully he woke up. "Where…" He turned his head and looked at Amanda. "Hey." She replied. The woman stood up and stroked his hair. He smiled for the first time since that awful day. "Can you help us out?" She asked. He shrugged. "What is your… ex…. Girlfriends name?" Carisi just stared at the wall. "Well we have a suspect. Her name is Christina Russio. Was she your girlfriend." He slowly shook his head. Rollins got down to Dominick's eye level. "Did she do this to you?" He didn't move. "Dominick." At this, Sonny tried to sit up and winced in pain. "I don't want to talk about it! Don't you understand! It was my fault anyway, I should have left, but I didn't. Don't blame Christina, I stayed there and I made her mad. Please. She loves me." With that he turned and laid on his side as best he could without letting his previously dislocated shoulder touch the bed. Rollins wanted to laugh at his stupidity. _She obviously didn't love him. Why would she eat him if she loved him._ "Stop it. You know that it is not your fault." Dom didn't move. "Fine." Amanda walked out of the room.

"Any luck?" Olivia was quick to notice Amanda's return. "Yeah he said she did it… well he said that they were dating during the incident and he said it was 'his fault'." Olivia looked at Amanda's face. "It isn't uncommon for the victim to feel like that." Fin tried to explain to the blonde detective. "Look," She had snapped. "I know that. I'm not stupid! He of all people should know it is not his fault." Rollins stopped. She was making a scene. "Let's just find this scumbag before she pulls this stunt again." Liv looked at her in agreement. "Her last known address is…" Liv checked the file. "The place you found Carisi. There is no way she would have gone back. Does she have any allies or siblings."

Fin looked up from his computer. "She's got a bigger brother, Nathaniel Russio, in for disorderly conduct, two accounts of forceful touching, and a felony of an assault." Olivia nodded her head. "Let's go."

"Mr. Russia we have reason to believe that your sister, Christina, is missing. Do you have any idea where she is?" He looked up at the lieutenant. "Who knows with that bitch." He snarled. Olivia took a breath. "Sir we would like to help. Is there any place she would go?"

"Well our family used to own a house, I don't know what happened to it though." Liv gave the man a look of appreciation.

Carisi slowly pulled his leg around the bed. _I shouldn't do this._ He steadied himself on the bed, but found himself staring at the bulky brace around his knee. _This is a stupid idea._ He adjusted the sling with the opposite hand, but stopped to stare at the nasty bruises around his wrist.  
A tear fell down the side of his face. _One three. One, two, three._ The tall detective stood up… Or at least attempted to. He yelped in pain, but wobbled into the bathroom. When he looked in the mirror, all he saw was a tall, skinny, helpless man. He lifted his neck just enough to notice the yellow and brown bruises around the front of his neck, and adjusted his face so that he could clearly see all of the bruising. _I… I don't even look like myself. I look like hell._ Just then he started to notice the pain radiating in his chest. He looked down to see bleeding from his abdomen. "Hey. Hey can… could I please have some help in here! Please!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Damn it!" Olivia whispered under her breath in the squad car. Although it wasn't ideal, Olivia was driving, Fin rode to her right, and Amanda sat in the back. Christina's family house was a good forty-five minute drive away from the 16th precinct. "Everything alright?" Fin asked, obviously aware of the answer. "Carisi decided to walk to his bathroom without crutches or supervision. He pulled out his stitches." Amanda rolled her eyes. She couldn't understand why he was acting so stupid. She cared about him. She just wants him to be safe and okay, but Sonny obviously didn't care. Or he was being totally oblivious.

As the three detectives pulled into the stone driveway, Rollins lost all hope of finding the woman. The house was rundown and abandoned. Fin got out first. He walked up to the porch which creaked with each step he took. Olivia followed. When Fin knocked on the door, it popped open. The officers pulled their weapons and began to search the house.

As Amanda expected, the house was empty. No surprise there. She thought. Where the hell is this woman?

On the ride back to the 16th, Rollins couldn't help but think crazy thoughts. Maybe if Carisi and I had been on good terms he would have told me about his… She didn't want to think about it. But no matter how she tried, it didn't change. His abuse. One of our own? Of all people! Rollins was taken back by the realization. Maybe it was crazy to think about, but she should know first hand how Carisi feels. But she couldn't think of her past. It was too far gone to being back, and right now she had to focus on Dominick.

Like anyone, Olivia didn't really like hospitals. But especially because it felt as if Noah had been in the hospital so often at a very young age. But the pediatric section of the hospital was bright and cheery, but the rest of it, wasn't.

Sonny was in a small room at the end of the ICU hallway. He wasn't supposed to have visitors, but Liv used her shield as a way to get in. As soon as she walked in the door, Carisi turned his head. "How are you?" She smiled. Despite expecting a smile, the woman got a cold hard stare. Angrily he responded. "I have to stay here longer. I just want to go home." He sighed. "I can take care of myself." Olivia looked at him. Why was he being so cold? "We see how that turned out." She whispered. "Carisi, we need help finding this woman." He shook his head. "No." Olivia gelt sorry for him. "Why? Because she loves you?" She picked up his arm and pointed at the bruises. "Wasn't she the one that did that to you? What about your knee? Or your shoulder! For God's sake look at your neck!" She stopped. Tears were falling down his still bruised face. "Was she the reason you felt like you needed to self-harm?" Olivia pointed at his wrist again. "Get out." He whispered. "Get out!" The lieutenant left.

Dominick just wanted everyone to leave him alone. First, he thought, I get beaten by the woman I thought loved me, and now, they just expect me to want to talk about it. He thought back. Carisi could remember exactly what happened. When Olivia first asked he couldn't, but he was recovering and could remember the exact events that occurred from when he left work early one day, too when he dragged his bloody self into the bathroom and banged on the floor waiting for someone to call 911. He needed time to think.

As the bed rolled from the tiny room to a slight larger one, Carisi felt somewhat proud of how he was recovering. The doctor said that he could go home in a week with supervision. His new room was well lit and had large windows. But Carisi's excitement was dulled by the lack of family and friends in his room. His sister had visited as much as possible, but with the baby, it wasn't often. He chased his friends away when he was first recovering, and when they came, he was at a loss for words, not because he was still mad, but because he regretted his harsh words and actions.

After he napped, Sonny found himself bored. He still wasn't aloud to get up until his stitches came out. His head still hurt every day, and he still had on the braces, sling, and cast,but Carisi felt better.

"Hey." Sonny turned. Who the hell is that? A blonde woman looked down at him. She had green eyes and a pale face. Sonny smiled. "Hey baby." He replied. The woman's voice was soft but sweet. "How are you? I… I didn't mean for this to happen. You know that, right?" Sonny was still smiling. She does love me! Amanda was wrong! Christina came back to see me! "I'm fine. Nothing too bad…. Ummm nothing life threatening." She smiled. "So you forgive me?" He looked into her dark green eyes. "Of course." Christina kissed him, "Good. And I have a surprise for you! But first I am going to use the bathroom. Hold on." He couldn't believe it! She came back and apologized! Maybe they could be happy!

Carisi was still smiling when his boss and coworkers walked in. "What are you so happy about?" Olivia joked. Dominick's eyes lit up. "She came! And she is sorry!" Amanda looked around. " Christina? She visited you? Is she here now?" Carisi looked away. "Hey Liv," Fin pointed to the closed bathroom door. "I think we got her."


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is a little gruesome, and contains violent content!**

 **I need someone's opinion on if I should continue the story! Thank you for reading**

 **this far.**

It had two weeks since the squad had caught Christia. Barba was ready to finish his plans for the case, but Carisi wasn't talking to the squad, so convincing him to testify would be almost impossible, but Barba could do it, or so he thought.

Dominick was staying at his sister's house. He still had the brace on his knee, around his ribs, the sling for his shoulder, almost all the bruising on the face, neck, and wrist was gone, but his concussion was getting better. His estimated recovery time was 8 weeks. There was a knock on the door. Carisi wanted to answer it but his sister gently pushed him back on the couch. Carisi could hear a man's voice, but couldn't figure out who he was or what he was saying."Oh, hello, I'm his sister. He is in here, follow me." Around the corner, Sonny saw his sister, then the councillor. His eyes lit up but his face stayed cold, he hadn't anyone other that his sister and the baby, Tommy had gone on a business trip. "Hey amigo." Carisi stared blankly at the man. "Look, I know you don't want to, but we need to talk." Bella left the room. "About what?" Sonny shot back sarcastically. "Come on, I know you haven't talked about it with anyone. Just because we talk doesn't mean you have to testify." He was right. Not talking about the situation had made it worse. "Okay." he nodded. "What do you want to know?"

"How about we start at when you got home." Carisi sighed. "I got home early and made myself a late lunch. I left the dishes in the sink, and threw my tie on the bed." Barba nodded.

"She came home about two hours later, mad about something during work and me surprising her by being' home early made her more mad. I made dinner, and we sat down to eat. But, I don't know, she wasn't happy with it, so she made me clean everything up while she went to bed. But she came out a little while later to apologize. So we sat on the couch and watched a movie. She got drunk so when I tried to go to bed she saw my tie and… she..."

He slowed down, and lowered his voice. "She threw me against the wall. She walked out to the kitchen and told me to follow, so I did. She gabbed the…" He stopped. Carisi didn't want to look weak infront of his mentor. He saw no point in countiuing his story. Why did Barba even care?

But Barba looked at him. _Continue_ he signaled with his eyes. "Well... She... Ummm...She grabbed the frying pan and hit me in the knee. I fell. Then she kissed me. But she wrapped her hands around my neck… Nevermind... This was a bad idea." Carisi was too deep in thought to realize that he had tears streaming down his face. "No. Continue." Barba replied. The detective didn't want to, but he did. "She hit my stomach, and chest. I tried to crawl away, but she grabbed my wrists. She pulled me back and twisted my whole arm behind my back, while she… ummm… she slammed my head on the floor. She did it until I passed out. When I came to, everything hurt so bad. I once saw on a TV show that when you cut, it can block out other pain… so I did." Carisi looked down at his wrist. He would have scars from that. And scars from his surgery. And the emotional scars.

Sonny decided that a crying baby, and busy mother weren't helping him recover as fast as he could. About three days after his brutally honest talk with Barba, Carisi went "home." The apartment was empty. He was alone, but he was focused on whether or not he should testify. He was torn. I love _her but she almost killed me._ His mind raced back and forth. _She even visited me in the hospital. I would just embarrass myself._ He wouldn't… No, he couldn't testify. Barba would have to do without him. And there was only about a week until the trial, and Dominick wouldn't be ready by then.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for the support! I decided that I will continue the story. It won't be for much longer but I will try to make it better than the last few chapters!**

It had been three weeks since the trial, since the last one had been declared a mistrial after a juror was convicted of bribery, and Barba didn't want to take any chances.

Sonny sat in his own apartment. All of his friends were busy trying to track down a sex trafficking ring, leaving the blue eyed detective, home alone with his TV and his fridge. After about 6 weeks off, Carisi was almost done with his painfully boring recovery. He already knew that his ex girlfriend would be convicted. The frying pan had her prints on it and his blood. They also had the security footage, and the other detectives could prove that they arrested her in his hospital room. But she needed to go through a full trial.

Carisi's mind wandered from what he wanted for dinner, to when he could back to work, to Christina. He picked up his phone and called Barba. The councillor picked up his phone.

"ADA Rafael Barba."

"Hey it's Carisi." He answered in a small voice.

"Oh hey Carisi. What do you need?"

The detective paused. "Did she make bail?" He whispered.

"What?"

"Did she make bail?" He practically yelled back.

Obviously taken back by the other man's tone, Barba replied a simple "Yes." The other end of the phone became muffled. All he could hear was an angry whispered "Shit!" By the detective. Then the phone call ended.

Carisi found himself locking the door. He went into his room and grabbed his hidden gun. He closed all of the shades in his house, turned off all of the lights and hid himself by laying on the couch. Slowly, he drifted asleep, and fell of the couch when he heard a knock at the door. "What time is it?" He mumbled as he struggled to lift himself off the floor with one hand. As he walked toward the door, he looked at the clock on him stove claiming it was only 6:34. The man opened the door with the gun in his hand. He peeked through the narrow opening in the door, before opening it and welcoming the visitor in. A tired looking Amanda carried a baby in one hand and a bag in the other. Dominick through his gun on the coffee table. "Hey, what are you doing here?" He said harshly. Amanda looked confused. Wasn't he lonley? He was lonely but wanted to be alone. What sense did that make?

"Why is it so dark in here?" Amanda replied. She started to pull up a shade exposing the outside world, but stopped when she saw Carisi start to breath harder and shake. She closed it. "I thought you would want to see Jesse, he misses you." Sonny laughed. "I can't even hold her right now." He looked at his shoulder then too the floor. "Now isn't really… the best time." He looked at Amanda. She still had Jesse on her hip. "Are you okay?" She stared at his glassy blue eyes. "I just… Need some time. Please. I am okay." Rollins noded. She knew that he wasn't okay. Depression in victims was common, and she could see Carisi's depression get worse. "Ok, just watch Jesse for a second." She set Jesse in the middle of the floor, as she walked into the bathroom. She searched for his razors, just to be safe. She threw them out the window and rushed out the door. "I'll leave you alone I guess." She picked up Jesse and handed the bag she brought to Dominick. He hugged her goodbye, gave Jesse a kiss on the head and followed them to the door.

Carisi laid on the couch, and grabbed his gun. He hadn't eaten since the morning, but he wasn't hungry. He walked to the door, but froze when he heard footsteps. It's Christina. He thought. He froze.

 _He woke up on the couch in Christina's apartment. Christina walked out of their room and sat next to him. "Dominick, I'm sorry." He couldn't move. She stroked his hair. When he didn't reply, she walked to the kitchen and brought back a bottle of vodka. Carisi knew what this meant. She would get drunk then beat him. He closed his eyes while she drank half the bottle. The more she drank, the more violent she became. Carisi opened his eyes to Christina, who had just set the bottle down. She stood up. "Stand up." She said with a stern voice. Carisi stood, knowing what would happen. She led him to their room. He was pushed onto the bed. Why were rhey in here? Usually she would just throw him to rhe ground and punch him in the stomach. They started to kiss. "Put your hands at the top of the bed." Dominick obeyed her demands. She tied his heads to the top of the bed, as tight as she could. "Ow" he said quietly. He had learned the hard way that complaining usually ended up in what she called "punishment." There was a fire in her eyes. "You think that hurts? I could do much worse." She punched him in the stomach. "I'm sorry." He choked out. She pulled down his pants. "Stop, please." He thought._

Carisi came out of his trance, finding he had tears down his face, and he was shaking. He ran as best he could, into the bathroom, looking for some kind of comfort. When he couldn't find anything to do, he ripped off his knee brace out of anger. His blue eyes leaked tears as they became puffy and pink. Sonny threw his knee brace across the floor of his living room, and kicked the wall with the same leg he just ripped the brace off of. He fell on the floor in pain and landed on his shoulder. Instead of crying out in pain, Dominick just sat on the floor, in silence, and waited until he fell alseep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer; I do not own Law and** **Order: Special** **Victims** **Unit or any characters associated with it.**

A familiar voice startled him awake. Carisi pushed himself in the corner between the wall and the tub. "I'm sorry!" He yelled. His arm that wasn't in the sling flung up to protect his face while he slowly bent his leg towards his body. He groaned in pain. "Please." He begged. "I… I'm sorry." Tears rolled down his face. "Dominick. It is me." He wouldn't listen to the voice. "Dominick," she yelled. "It's Olivia." She placed her hand on his shoulder. He stopped moving. Slowly he lowered his hand. Sonny sighed in relief. "I'm sorry Liv." His voice was shaky. He still had tears falling from his eyes that he quickly wiped away. She looked at him sympathetically. "Don't be sorry. I understand." He shook his head as tears still fell from his eyes. Again he moaned in pain. "Thanks. Why did you even stop by?" She replied, but the pain bending his knee created, blocked out her words. Carisi started to panic. "What is wrong?" Liv realized that the black knee brace was laying on the floor. "Your knee. Can you move it?"

"No." His breathing got heavier. "Carisi. You need to calm down. Okay? Breath Dominick. I need you to breath." Liv ran to get the brace. She needed to put his knee back in the brace, but right now he was having a panic attack.

"Breath." She repeated herself as she walked into the bathroom. Olivia gently placed her hands on his foot. She shoved her hand off. "Don't touch me!"

"Sonny, this is going to hurt. I'm sorry." She grabbed his foot and pulled his leg straight before he could stop her. He hollered in pain. Tears streamed down his face. "I'm sorry." Liv said. He looked up at her. "What the hell?" He yelled. "I'm sorry. Thank you, Liv. You can, umm… you can go. I'll find my way to the doctors."

"No. You shouldn't be alone. It's okay, I have time." She gentle lifted up his leg and slid the brace under it. Sonny moaned. "But… I want to be alone." His voice was hushed. She paused. "No. You don't want to be alone. You just think you want to. You think that everyone will judge you, but you don't think about how we want to help you. You can't just sit around and do nothing. For God's sake Carisi, grow up. You're obviously depressed, and being alone is going to cause you to do something you regret." Olivia buckled his brace back on. "If you want me to leave, I will. But get off your lazy ass and do something." She finished with his brace, and walked out of his apartment, slamming the door behind her.

"Hey, how's Carisi doin'?" Olivia glared at Fin. "He is just moping around. I found him on the floor of his bathroom. I don't even know what got into him." Fin nodded. "Just remember, for all we know, this is his first time going through something like this." Fin always seemed to understand how people feel… at least he could when he wanted to. Amanda walked over to her boss. "Got a case. The vic is at her house, I'm going to take her statement." Liv nodded. "Fin go with her, and Amanda, on your way back, stop at Carisi's and just check up on him."

"Copy that Luei."

Carisi's apartment was located in a small but nice complex that had about 6 levels. Dom's apartment was on level 2, and was one of the nicest apartments in the building.

Amanda knocked on the door. No answer. "Carisi!" Amanda checked to see if the door was locked. The doorknob twisted without conflict. Rollins grew nervous. "Dominick? Are you here?" Amanda ran into the bathroom. He wasn't there. She ran through the kitchen, living room and the guest room. "Carisi. Where are you?" Rollins released she skipped the bedroom. The door was closed. Slowly, she pushed the door. But there was no sign of Carisi.

Amanda pulled out her phone and dialed Sonny's number.

 _Ring-Ring-Ring_

No answer. Amanda was practically in tears. She called Liv.

 _Ring-Ring-Ri-_ "Hey Rollins. What's wrong?"

"I can't find Carisi."

"What? Where could he be?"

Amanda had tears in her eyes. "I don't know Liv!"


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer; I do not own Law and Order: Special Victims Unit of any characters associated with it.

"Damn it where is he?" Olivia mumbled through the phone. Amanda's phone started to buzz. "Liv… Liv I have to go Carisi is calling me." Rollins ended the call between her and Olivia. "Carisi where the hell are you? Are you okay?" She sounded panicked. "Rollins," he said in a hushed voice. "I am at my church." Rollins was relieved so much, she almost laughed. "Liv and I have been worried sick." He chuckled over the phone. That was the first time Rollins has heard him laugh since he was made a victim. "Rollins you don't need to worry about me. I'm fine. Well… actually I could use a ride." He joked. "Okay, I can do that. But I need to call Olivia to tell her you're safe."

Amanda dropped Carisi off at his apartment, but he refused help getting up the stairs. "It's only one flight," he debated. "I will be fine." Amanda was furious with Domnick. He was being arrogant again, and eventually, he would end up getting hurt again. Liv had already lectured the blue eyed man today, and told Rollins to ignore his actions, and that he would eventually figure out that he couldn't recover the alone.

It took Carisi about 5 minutes to walk up 20 steps, but he was still proud. Although he took longer than he wanted to, Dominick was surprised on how fast he could go up the stairs. His apartment was two apartments down from the stairs.

When he approached his apartment, the door was still unlocked. He casually walked in, but calmed down when he realized that was how he left it. He walked into his apartment, and closed the door behind him. It had been a long day. After being yelled at by Olivia, Sonny cleaned himself up and went to church. He needed to pray, and receive penance.

Dominick's knee still hurt, and all the walking he did, made it worse. Now all he needed was to relax and sleep. He had just unbuttoned his shirt when he fell back on his bed and fell asleep.

Dominick woke up to a soft knock at the door, and the click of the door shutting. Who… It must be Rollins. Slowly, he pulled himself out of bed to meet the blonde haired woman. As he exited his bedroom, the woman he saw surprised him. "Hey Sonny!" She said. He froze. "H… Hi Christina."

"It's been too long baby!" She bit her lip. Carisi nodded his head. "I can't stay too long, so what do you want to do?" She smiled mischievously. He lowered his head slightly. "Well… I was… Sleeping." She glared at him. "But I… I don't n… Need too." His voice was shaky. "That's the spirit baby!" She grabbed his arm firmly and pulled him into the kitchen. Upon opening a cabinet, Christina found herself looking at the variety of liquor, that hadn't been touched since the last time she had been there. She grabbed a bottle of vodka and sipped it, then pulled Sonny towards his bedroom.

As they entered the bedroom, she pushed Carisi on the bed. He stood up as fast as he could. "Christnia, please." He begged, but she didn't listen. She was getting drunk, fast. "Get on the bed." Dominick obeyed her. "Take off that dumb brace," she pointed to his knee. "I can't. If I d..." she ripped off the brace. He didn't move. Christnia noticed this and pulled down his pants, and laughed as he winced in pain. "How about we do it differently today." She smirked. "I don't want to." He whispered. She tied his mobile arm to the bed. "What?" She replied as she tied his good leg down. "I can't hear you!" She laughed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Possible trigger warning.**

"Oh my God!" The liquid ran down the tub drain. The warm water stopped flowing in his hair. "What did you do?" She yelled.

Rollins ran to the closet and grabbed a towel. She practically ripped off the curtain in the bathroom. Carefully she put the towel on his wrist and pulled out her phone.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I need an ambulance…"

"Apply pressure." She said sternly. She ran into the bedroom and grabbed a blanket. The bathroom was connected to the bedroom, allowing Amanda to run between the rooms without having to worry too much about the man. He stood in the bathtub without moving. Blood was dripping down his arm, and off his elbow. The towel was now stained red. She set the towel on his arm so the clean part could absorb the blood. She grabbed his elbow, and lead him out of the tub. "Be careful when you step." She tried to sound calm, but it felt like the paramedics were taking forever. The man was fully clothed, but was in the shower for some reason. Amanda wrapped the blanket around the man, who was shivering. As they waited for the ambulance, the man started to fall. Rollins slowly sat him on the toilet, so he wouldn't faint. "Why?" She asked. He didn't move. "Please. I want to underst…" There was a knock at the door. "I will be right back, apply pressure."

Rollins lead the paramedics to the man, who sat shivering with soaked clothes on. The paramedics got him to lay down on the stretcher as Rollins grabbed two more blankets and placed them on top of him.

As the paramedics left, Amanda called Liv.

"How bad is it." Liv sat down next to Amanda who was sitting in the waiting room. "Pretty bad." She sighed. "He passed out after they got him on the stretcher. And he was very… spacey… distant? Ya' know?" Liv nodded. "Rollins, all you told me is that you found this man. Who is he?" Amanda got defensive. "Who do you think it is? Carisi."

"How did you find him… I mean, how was he acting?"

"I already told you Lieu. He was distant. He wouldn't even talk." The doctor walked into the waiting room. "The family and friends of Dominick Carisi."

Olivia and Rollins followed the doctor to Carisi's room but stopped outside of his door. Both women looked urgently at the doctor. "He had a large amount of blood loss. I want to put him on suicide watch, but I was told I have to talk to detectives. Would you happen to know who they are?"

"Yes… well I am Lieutenant Benson and this is Detective Rollins." He nodded his head. "Well it us your choice. I strongly recommend suicide watch."

"No! He isn't suicidal!" Amanda shot back. "Ma'am, he cut his arms. If he was found any later, he probably wouldn't have made it."

"He isn…" Liv interrupted Amanda. "Do whatever you think necessary." Rollins walked into the hospital room, leaving Olivia and the doctor. "How bad is it?" The doctor sighed. "Like I said before, if he was found any later, he probably wouldn't have made it." Olivia stared at the doctor's soft brown eyes. "Could you please recheck his knee and his shoulder. He… ummm… fell the other day."

"Of course. Any other questions?"

"No. Thank you very much." Liv stared at the doctor. He nodded and walked away.

It was very bright in Dominick's room. Sitting next to his bed, was Amanda and standing by the bathroom was Olivia. Confused, Sonny looked up and down his body before realizing his injury was on his arm. He sighed. "What the hell?" Amanda's voice was quiet and soft, but full of anger. "Please, not now." He whispered. Olivia walked over to the bed. "

If not now, then when? This isn't just going to go away."

"I know."

"Then talk." Olivia's voice was turn, yet soft. She was talking to Sonny, with the same voice she used to talk to victims. Silence. "Dominick! Just te…"

"We had sex. That's it." He turned away from the women. "You and Christina? When?" Olivia sounded nervous. "Yes. Me and Christnia. Christina and I... whatever. Last night... I'm sorry..."

 **Sorry, the story is getting a little crazy!**

 **-If you are battling depression, please seek help. I understand how difficult depression is, but please, please, seek help.-**


	12. Chapter 12

**This chapter may be disturbing.**

"I need you to tell me exactly what happened during your first... attack." Barba's voice was gentle, but stern.

After about three days in the hospital, Carisi decided he needed to testify.

"I had gotten home early, and I think that Christina had a bad day. She came home and yelled at me a lot..."

The first day in the hospital was spent getting stitches on Sonny's wrist, and getting test on his knee, shoulder, head, and ribs.

"...I made dinner but she didn't like it and went to bed. About an hour later, Christina came out of her-our room and apologized. We sat down to watch a movie, and we both had a drink or two..."

The second day in the hospital was just for observation. Dominick had re-fractured his knee, but that was the wrost of his injuries, except for the four sets of stitches that ran down his forearm.

"I forgot to pick up my tie and she..." He was interrupted. "Who is 'she'?" The ADA needed the record to be clear. "Christina. Christina went into the kitchen, and told me to follow her." His eyes were glassy.

The third day in the hospital was for his psychiatric evaluation. He was released later that day, after being determined sane and not in need of medical or mental attention.

"She grabbed a frying pan, and hit me in the knee, resulting in me falling on the floor. She lied on top of me and kissed me while she choked me with her hands."

After being released from the hospital, Carisi was 'forced' to see a therapist. Although he didn't want to, Dominick found himself less depressed then before.

Carisi layghed nervously. "Christina dragged her finger from my lips to my... belly button. All I said was please, and she hit me again... with the... umm... frying pan. She hit me in the stomach about 7 times before she struck me twice in the chest with the frying pan." His breath became faster. "I... tried to crawl away, but ev...everything hurt. She grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm causing an outrageous amount of pain and discomfort in my shoulder." Carisi became restless. He tried to focus on the ADA, but so many people were looking at him.

"Mr. Carisi, are you alright?" Barba was beginning to worry. Carisi gripped the side of the witness stand. He had big tears trickling down his face. "I... am... fine." He pushed the words out in between gasps for air. "S... She turned me o... on m...my back, then slammed my face into the... floor. I don't re...remember anything after that really. But when I woke up, I... crawled into t... the bathroom and b... banged on the floor unt-il the c...cops came." Carisi was still breathing heavily, and he knew he was having an anxiety attack, but he had to finish testifying.


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapter may be disturbing, but it isn't too bad.**

"Was that your only abusive incounter with the defendent?" Barba nodded slightly at the blonde man on the witness stand. "No. After the mistrial, she came to my apartment."

"What happened then?"

Carisi looked around the room. "It's somewhat of a blur... But Christina had some kind of alcoholic drink." He was careful about his words. Barba stepped into his view. He held his head a little sideways. "Detective, I'm going to have to ask you to be specific about the events that happened."

Sonny nodded. He didn't want to cry or have another panic attack."She lead me into my room. She tied me to the bed then ripped off my brace." Gis words sped up as his breathing became faster. "She put her mouth on my p... penis." He turned red.

"Then she took off her pants." Tears filled his eyes but he blinked them away as soon as they appeared. "She took the bottle of alcohol and poured some in my mouth, then plugged my nose, forcing me to swallow."

He paused and looked at Christina. "She walked into the bathroom with the bottle and broke it on the side of the tub, and came out with a small shard of glass." Olivia looked at Fin, who was sitting next to her. They both had a look of disgust on their face, Dom never told them this happened.

"She f..flipped me on my back, causing outrageous pain in both of my shoulders. And proceeded to scrap my back with the glass. She continued this until I was almost yelling in pain, then she flipped me over agian and..." He could barely chocked the words out. "She raped me."

"Who?" Barba needed Carisi to confirm it was Christina.

"It was Christina." He lifted his arm to point but stopped. "I can't feel my arm." Without moving his shoulder in the sling, Carisi put his wrist to his hand in the sling, and pulled his shirt sleeve down, exposing the white cloth bandages on his wrist. He grabbed at them in a panic.

"Bar-ba! I ca- can fel ma rm." His speech was slurring. "Wts gonin on?" He stood up. "Call an ambulance!" Barba yelled. "Detective please sit down." Sonny didn't listen, but staggered forward instead. When he tried to step down from the stand, the brace on his knee pulled him down and Dominick fell.

The whole courtroom was standing, and the jury looked at each other, wondering what the hell was happening. Barba was practically pinning Carisi to the ground, so he couldn't stand up, as officer ran into the courtroom, followed by one EMT and a paramedic.

"I'm Budd and this is my partner Dan." The paramedic walked towards Carisi who was still sitting on the side of the stand. Although he was claimed down, Barba was still sitting next to him, with a hand on his good shoulder. "Can you stand?" The man named Budd walked to Carisi's side and pulled him up, while Barba stayed glued to the other side. "Good. Now can you lay down on the stretcher for me please?" Budd had a powerful voice, but he was talking quietly.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Amanda was practically in tears. "He just can't get a break!" She cried out. Olivia and Amanda rode together, Barba rode in the ambulance, and Fin rode to the hospital alone. Olivia, Amanda, and Fin sat in the emergency room that was all to familiar.

Amanda jumped up as Barba walked down the hallway towards them. "What the hell is going on? What did the doctor say?" Barba sighed. He looked sim sympathetically at all of the detectives.

"Based on his symptoms, they think he had a stroke."

 **I'm sorry, this is getting a little crazy but I promise it will get better! Thank you for reading, and sorry for the long wait for the update.**


	14. Chapter 14

Again, this may be disturbing.

"She took some kinda cloth- maybe a sock, and stuffed it in my mouth. Then she put me in side of her." Dominick's face turned bright red. "She yelled at me because I wouldn't move. Christina tried to... t-thrust herself, but I guess she wasn't satisfied."

On the other side of were Barba had his papers neatly sorted out, was Christina, dressed in a bodycon dresd with strips, and her lawyer in a gray suit. Carisi looked at Christina. She had tears streaming down her face and looked away from Sonny. He was saddened by how she looked. Although Christina was a beautiful woman, she looked broken.

"S-she got off of me and walked out of the room." Carisi felt guilty. He shouldn't be doing this. He loved Christina. "

"When she returned, she had my gun. I thought she was going to shoot me!" _I wish she had._ He thought _. "_ But she put the gun to her own head." He looked and sounded confused. "I tried to yell but I couldn't! She told me she loved me, and she was sorry. When I tried to sit up, she asked me if I loved her."

Sonny couldn't believe he was telling people this. _I should have just shut my mouth and lied._ "Christina promised me, that if I had sex with her, she wouldn't kill herself, so I did." His face turned expressionless.

The room turned silent as Carisi looked down at his thumbs. He was mad. Mostly at himself, but also at Barba. He asked him to be specific, didn't he? And the story he just told sounded fake. Carisi looked up, hoping to find everyone feeling bad for Christina. He definitely felt terrible about how he had been treating her. _Does she really deserve this?_

"Nothing further." Everyone was staring at Carisi, who just sat, staring at his thumbs. "Detective, it is good to see you again, and well... healthy." The woman gave a crooked smile. After not getting a reaction from the blonde man, her face turned harsh and her words turned cold. "How often do you drink?"

"Objection!"

"Your Honor, I am trying to prove a point." The woman begged. She turned to look at the judge who shook his head. "You may proceed." Barba rolled his eyes.

"Average amount, I guess."

"So when the first insident occurred, were you drinking?"

"Yes. But I cannot specify what type of beverage I had."

"And why is that." The laywer was quick with her words.

"Because of the injuries I s-stained to my head that night." He was starting to panic again.

"Or could you have been drunk?" Before Carisi could answer she turned to face him. "You claim my client, a 120 pound woman beat you. How is this possible?"

"Objection!" Barba sounded impatient.

"Let me rephrase. You have been... injured on the job before, correct?"

"Umm... yes... I could say that."

"You work in the NYPD, where taking down 'bad guys' is your job, how do you figure a small woman, such as Christina could harm you in anyway, without you stopping her?"

"I... don't... know..." Carisi didn't want to be on the stand anymore. He glanced at Barba. The older man looked back, _breath_ , he motioned.

"Could you have gotten drunk, and maybe that is why you can't really remember that night?"

"I haven't ever been drunk." His words were become less professional. He just wanted to go home, and be alone.

"Is it true that you have depression?" Carisi looked the woman dead in the eyes. "Yes." He mumbled through a clenched jaw.

"And your depression has caused you to self-harm, correct?"

Sonny was pissed. How dare this woman, that doesn't even know him, judge him so harshly, not to mention, exposing his weak side to the world.

"Yes." He replied, almost to quiet to hear.

"Then how can we be sure that this 'incident' wasn't caused by you being drunk or your depression and urge to self-harm? Nothing further." She was proud of her "good" comeback, you could hear it in her voice.

Carisi wanted to scream. He had depression because of what Chrisina did to him. Not the other way around! But instead of trying to explain, he just sat on the stand, emotionless, staring once agian at his thumbs, as the judge announced that the case would continue tomorrow.

 **Please review/ leave a comment! Thanks!**


	15. Chapter 15

"I'll drive him home." Rollins offered. "Okay, that's fine." Olivia's voice was hushed. Fin, Olivia, and Rollins were in a small group, just outside the courthouse, waiting for Carisi to come out. "And Amanda, you cannot discuss the case." Amanda nodded, sensing that something went wrong in the court room.

Carisi limped out behind Barba, his knee brace restricting how well he walked. His face was emotionless and cold. Amanda had never seen him like this before. "Hey Carisi, I'll take you home!" She almost yelled. "K." Was the response she received.

* * *

"How 'bout I walk you in." Rollins was reluctant to let Carisi be by himself. He got out of the car. "Na. Thanks for the ride." Before Amanda could even say good bye, he slammed the door. She opened her door and put one foot on the ground before popping her head pver the car. "Don't do anything stupid!" She yelled at Carisi, who acknowledged her by just waving his hand behind his back. "I'll be checking on you later! How 'bout I bring Jesse?" At this Carisi stopped on the sidewalk, turned around and looked at Amanda. "Don't bother!" He yelled back, and disappeared into the building.

* * *

At about 11 o'clock, Carisi was trying to get drunk. After drinking 2 glasses of whiskey, he had finished what little was left of the bottle, and threw the bottle against the wall., allowing it to shatter into a million small and large pieces of sharp glass. " I shouldn't have testified." Carisi mumbled to himself.

 _As she entered the room somthing black caught Sonny's eye. She was carrying something. What could it be? Damn it! How could he have been so stupid, it was his gun. But what would she do with it?_

"That was dumb!" He yelled at himself. He picked up a larger piece of glass. He pulled down his sleeve, and hovered the glass above his wrist. Slowly, he pulled off the white cloth bandage, allowing himself to feel every pinch of pain. He looked at the stitches on his arm and placed the tip of the shard on his wrist.

 _"No!" He attempted to scream. "I'm sorry. I just... can't." She lifted the gun to her head, with a shaky hand. Tears streamed down both faces. "Did you love me?" She asked. He tried to answer but they were mumbles. She pulled his head up by his hair. She ripped the sock out of his mouth. "Did you?" She cried out. "Yes." She lowered the gun. "Prove it." She mumbled. Her cries stopped, and were soon replaced by her orders for Dominick. She shoved the sock back in his mouth and went down on the man, who, instead of enjoying it, had tears streaming from his eyes as he gasped for air._

"Shit." He mumbled as he relized his mistake. He dropped the glass, but the damage was done. Carisi had a group of small scratches on his arms. Just deep enough to bleed, but not deep enough to need medical attention. Dispite regretting his actions, Carisi continued to cut himself.

 _She ripped the sock out of Carisi's mouth. "Please." He begged. "I want to stop." She lowered down next to his face and kissed him-hard. He tried to push her away, but she grabbed his hair, and pulled his face towards hers. She smiled. "Would you do anything for me?" She smiled. But her smile faded as he didn't answer. "I asked if you would do anything for me." She was getting angry. "Y... Yes." He reluctantly answered. "Then you won't testify against me?" Her voice turned cold. "Or I could come back." She stated after observing his silence. "I can't promise you that." He wouldn't lie to Christina. She tightened her grip on his hair. But released it. She stood up and stared at Sonny. "I thought you loved me." She started to cry. "You lied." Carisi was confused. He didn't know what to do. Christina grabbed her clothes. "You lier! You're worthless!" The tears ran down her face. Then they rained out of Dominick's eyes. "I tried!" She yelled. "I tried to love you! But how could I? Nobody can ever love you." With that she untied Carisi, and left._

* * *

The knock at the door startled Sonny awake. What time was it? _Shit!_ It was already 8:30 in the morning and the trial was to resume at 9. Carisi ran to the door, the best he could but stopped when he noticed the broken glass that was poorly cleaned up. _What did I even d..._ Carisi looked at his wrist. He could not stand the sight of the bloody skin, and winced. Slowly he walked towards the door, ad he pulled his sleeve down. "You there Carisi?" Luckily, it was Fin, insead of Olivia or Amanda. "Yeah just give me a second!" He yelled theought rhe door.

Dom ran into his room and changed his shirt, and hung a tie around his neck. He walked to the door, and opened it, praying that Fin wouldn't notice the glass on the floor, or the drops of blood that stained the carpet. "Nice place." Fin had a weak atempt at small talk. "Yeah... Any idea why Amand wasn't in the courtroom yesterday?" Carisi was having a hell of a time trying to tie his tie with one hand. Instinctively, Fin brushed Sonny's hand away and tied the cloth into a neat fold. "Yeah man, she's testifying." Carisi didn't reply. Why was she important to the case? "Shit, we gotta go!" Fin started to walk out the door when he stopped, turned around and looked at Carisi. "Do I need to tell Liv?"

"Tell Liv what?" Carisi was clueless. Fin sighed and looked at the younger man. "There is glass all over the damn floor. Is it bad enough that I need to tell Liv?" Dom wouldn't look Fin in the eye. "No. Just scratches." He mumbled back.


	16. Chapter 16

**This is a real trigger warning, not like the last ones. Stuff does happen. Please take cation.**

"The people call Doctor Huston to the stand." Barba's eyes followed the man that had saved Carisi's life twice, maybe three times.

Carisi was glad that Liv was letting him watch the trail, although she had a serious look on her face when she told him that if anything was bothering him, if anyone said something that made him even a little nervous, she wants him to leave, or she would remove him. The doctor's testimony shouldn't cause any problems.

"Good morning Doctor," Barba started off slow. After getting a nod in response, Barba got down to business. "When the patient Dominick Carisi was brought to the hospital, the first time, what was his condition?"

"The patient was critical. He had internal and external bleeding, an obviously dislocated shoulder and severe contusions to his face, stomach, chest, neck, wrist, and legs." He needed to count on his fingers.

"He was rushed to surgery, correct?"

"Yes." Agian the doctor nodded his head.

"And what happened after that?" Barba started to shuffle the neatly piled papers on the table he was using.

"After test, we discovered the patient had a fractured patella, to fractured ribs, and a severe concussion. We also had to put his shoulder back into place before the surgery."

"Yes. And in your professional opinion, what normally causes these injuries?"

"Car accidents are the most common trama resulting in these types of injuries, but fights or assaults are also common."

Christina's lawyer rolled her eyes. "And how severe were these injuries?" Barba's eyes looked at the doctor, then to the jury.

"The fractured ribs could be classified as a not so serious injury, the bruises around his neck and wrist went away quickly, so that wasn't to serious. The paitent is still wearing the shoulder sling, and will continue to wear the knee brace for about 3 more weeks, due to complications... And the patient still suffers symptoms from the concussion, not to mention severe PTSD and severe depression." Barba shook his head, as he walked to the jury. "Could you please elaborate on the concussion?"

"Yes, a few days ago the patient was rushed into the hospital via ambulance, with the symptoms of slurred speech, muscle weakness, and confusion. It was first thought he had a stroke, but other doctors, and myself, concluded that the symptoms were a result of an enormous amount of stress, and the concussion, mixing, in a way."

Once again Barba turned toward the doctor. "Nothing further." He turned and nodded at Carisi before sitting down.

"Good morning doctor," Christina's lawyer didn't waste any time. "Could these injuries be from self defense or the result of self defense?"

The doctor took a second to think. His deep brown eyes looked to the floor. "Could you please rephrase?" The lawyer practically rooled her eyes. With a slight annoyance in her voice she asked the doctor a simpler question. "In theory, if the patient was defending himself, could these injuries occur?"

"Well that would depend, but in theory, some of the injuries could be the result of self defense." The lawyer nodded. "And in theory, could some of these injuries be the result of someone defending themselves?" The man had to take a second to comprehend exactly what the woman was asking.

He nodded. "I suppose, agian only so..." she cut him off. "And did you ever do a rape kit on the patient?" The doctor could answer that one. "No."

"And other than the previously mentioned injuries, what was the newest injury the patient, Dominick Carisi, sustain?"

"The newest injuries were severe to the wrist, suspected to be self-sustained." Carisi looked at his wrist. He hadn't had time to re-rap the bandage around his wrist, leaving just the cloth of his shirt to hide his secret scratches and the blood pooling in the cuts.

"Nothing further."

The judge looked to Barba, as the doctor walked off the stand and slowly out the doors. Carisi stood and followed the man out the large wooden doors. "Doctor!" He called out. Dr. Huston turned toward Sonny. "Hey Mr. Carisi! How are you feeling?"

Sonny smiled. "Please, call me Sonny. And I've been better." His eyes turned sorrowful. "Doc, you wouldn't happen to have any bandages with you?" There was no way Crisi would go to the hospital for the minor cuts. "Umm... Actually I do in my car, please follow me."

* * *

As the men approached the doctor's car, Carisi slowly lifted his sleeve. "Doc, is there anyway I could get you to rebandage this for me?" The doctor barley looked at Carisi's wrist and sighed. "I told you to keep the bandages on the stitches."

"I know." Carisi responded quietly as the doc opened his car's trunk, to grab the small medical kit. He pulled out a few packs of gauges and a roll of medical tape. He turned to Carisi but stopped upon looking at Carisi's wrist. "Mr. Carisi-"

"Sonny." Carisi corrected him. "Sonny," the doctor sighed. "You need to stop this." The doctor's grey and brown hair shined in the sun.

Carisi would look up. "I know Doc, I just can't. I did stop myself from going deeper... It just... Stops the pain." Sonny wiped a tear from his face. "I understand. But of you don't seek help, I have to get involved. A little pinch." Carisi's face tightened as the doctor pressed down the gauges. The white tape wrapped around his arm, just as Olivia texted him, startling him. Everything went black.

* * *

When he came to, Sonny was standing in the shower. _"You're worthless!"_ He looked down. _"I tried to love you!"_ Something glistened, caughting his eye. The warm water ran through his blonde hair, down his face, over his throbbing knee, and swirled down the drain. Dominick slowly bend over, careful not to bend his knee. He ran his fingers over the glistening substance, which was glass that was left from Christina breaking the bottle. The same bottle that left cuts just deep enough to leak blood from his back, letting the water turn a tint of red, and leaving a painful sting on Carisi's back. But the sting didn't bother him. What he was about to do, would hurt much worse, at first. After standing straight up, Carisi gripped the glass the best he could with the arm in the sling. He glided the sharp edge down his wrist. At first the pain was almost unbearable. He moaned in pain. He tried to cut deeper, but the pain was too much.

Sonny watched his blood drip. _"Nobody could ever love you!"_ That was it. Christina was right. Carisi would never be able to love someone, because nobody loved him. He took the glass into his hand and made three more slits down his wrist before deeping all but one of them. He moaned again, but the sound went from pain to relief. Dom ran the cuts under the water allowing the cuts to sting before he stared at the cuts.

"Sonny! Are you okay? Sonny!"


	17. Chapter 17

"Dominick?" There was enough blood to turn the water almost all red. Sonny couldn't move. The pain was so unbearable, it felt amazing. _I deserve pain._ He put the cuts under the water. As he moaned in pain, Carisi started to fall over. His vision turned fuzzy, while a pain radiated in his back.

"Sonny?" The voice was yelling. He had a massive headache. All the blood he was losing was causing him to feel light headed. Dominick started to fall, but something- someone caught him.

"What happened?" He could hear Liv yelling. "I don't know. I was putting bandages on his wrist and he stopped responding. I believe it is some type of flashback." A familiar voice rang through his ears. "He needs a therapist. This is getting out of hand!" His eyes opened and closed multiple times before he could open them all the way. He was laying on his doctor, in the middle of some parking lot. He started shaking.

Liv ran towards the man, who started gasping for air. "Sonny!" The man's voice was loud in Carisi's ear. "Carisi! What happened." Liv gently placed her hand on his shoulder. Wide eyed Carisi froze, "I'm sorry." He mumbled. Liv pulled closer to him. Instead of freezing, the blonde haired man practically jumped onto the doctor. Dominick turned his body, pushing his bad shoulder into the doctor, as the other hand gripped the doctor's arm, his nails digging into the man's skin. Olivia backed up.

"Sonny, it's Doctor Huston. Can you tell me the date?" Carisi looked around then looked at Liv. He froze agian, but released his grip upon realizing that he knew, and trusted, this woman. "I... I'm sorry doc." Carisi tried to pull himself off the man, but his arm couldn't handle the stress. The doctor gently pushed Carisi up, and pulled himself out from under Carisi. Dr. Huston stood up, quickly brushed himself off, and helped Carisi to his feet.

"Domonick, are you okay?" Liv stepped forward. Sonny shuffled his feet toward the doctor. "Y-Yes. Could I go back into the courtroom?" Olivia was a little frustrated. She had worked with this man, and been with him through the trama, and now he was afraid of her.

Sensing the fear in Sonny's tone, the doctor replied. "Yes. Would you like me to sit with you or are you okay with Lieutenant Benson?" Carisi looked at the woman. "I'll be fine." He said nervously. "He's all yours." The doctor almost pushed Dom to Benson. "Thank you doctor!" Liv called out before the man could get in his car.

* * *

Upon entering the courtroom, Carisi was still trembling, and Rollins was on the stand. "And when you found hom, what was his condition." Barba was done questioning her and once agian, Christina's lawyer was trying to show off. "He was... bloody." Carisi looked down. The memory of blood spilling out of his wrist flashed in front of him. "He was zoned out, due to blood loss." Carisi remembered the blurry vision. "He also kept saying he was sorry." Sonny couldn't even remember when Rollins got there.

"And what was used to make the cuts?" Amanda looked at Carisi. "Glass." The lawyer turned around to sit down. "Nothing further."

"Do the people call any more witnesses?" The judge looked at Barba, who stood. "The people rest." He sat down. "The defense, you may call your first witness." The lawyer nodded. "The defense calls Christina Russeo to the stand." She stood up.

As she walked towards the witness stand, Carisi noticed that she was wearing a knee length black dress with a beautiful lace lining- The same dress Carisi got her for their anniversary. She knew he loved it.

"Miss. Russeo, could you please explain the events that occurred on the first night in question." Her green eyes found Dominick's blue as she took a deep breath in. "I got home early that night. Dominick made an amazing dinner, and we ate dinner together. I was tired and went to bed. Two hours layer he still didn't come in, so I went to see what he was doing." Christina's story was fluent. She had practiced a few times. She stared into Carisi's eyes, as she told her false side of the story. "He was drunk, and lead me into the kitchen. We started to kiss." Carisi didn't remember this. "He lead me into the bedroom and told me to toe his wrist up using belts, and to choke him using his tie, so I did, but he kept tightening them. He told me he wanted to feel the pain, but I didn't want to have sex, so I untied him."

She was lieing. Every word she said was a lie, but Carisi believed her story. "I went to do clean up from dinner, when Dominick came out and grabbed the fring pan. He hit himself in the stomach, really hard. Then he asked if I could love him now that he was hurt." A tear streamed down Christina's face. Carisi leaned to Benson. "I wanna go." He whispered to himself.

"I got on the floor to help him, but hepulled me down and kissed me." Her voice got shaky. "He p.. put his hand down my pants so I pushed pff of him. But he grabbed me again, so I punched him."

Carisi looked at his wrist. He would cut when he got home. "This continued for a long tome until he grabbed my arm, and held on real tight, but when I jerked my arm away, his sh... shoulder dislocated." Her eyes turned puffy. "He pulled me close to him with one arm, amd licked my face." Dominick shivered at the thought. "I pushed him off pf me again and he ran onto the bookshelf by the bathroom." A tear escaped Carisi's eye. What is this is what really happened and Carisi lied? "Drinking can do many things to people..."

"Objection!" Barba called out. "Sustained. Please stick to the facts Miss. Russeo." Christina nodded in response. "Dominick was persistent, and wouldn't stop grabbing my arm, but the last time he did it, he pushed me up against the wall and 'teased' me by thrusting against my butt. I quickly kicked him, in the knee, and ran out the door, in fear."


	18. Chapter 18

"Damn it." Carisi mumbled. His breathing grew heavy. "I'm so stupid." He was sitting on the floor in his bathroom, alone, regretting throwing away the liquor he owned and his razor.

* * *

 _She slapped him across the face, hard. "Clean this mess up!" Slowly Sonny lifted his sore body off the couch and cleaned off the table. He put the leftovers in a container, and set them in the fridge, the set the dishes in the sink. "What is taking you so long?" At the sound of Christina's voice, Carisi wanted to curl up into a ball and hide. "Almost done!" He said, careful not to sound as if he was yelling._

 _After finishing washing the dishes, he raced to the couch to sit. She looked at him. Slowly she rested her head on his shoulder, and rubbed her hand on his inner thigh. Dominick was obviously becoming aroused, but also nervous. Christina had to have everything her way, and if he didn't want to do something, that ment punishment and discipline, which ment pain._

* * *

Right now, Sonny just needed a distraction from the pain, flashbacks, and guilt. But he cleaned out his liquor cabinet, and threw his razors out the window. He needed a way to take his mind off of his "shitty" life.

* * *

 _"I love you." She smiled at him. "I love you to." Christina and Dominick had decided that they were going to live in her apartment. "I will go grab the last box."He leaned over, kissed Christina's cheek, and ran out the door. "Wait!" She yelled after him. "What's wrong?" He ran back into the apartment. "I love you, so much, more than you can imagine."_

* * *

"Damn it!" He grabbed his phone. At first, the light was almost blinding, but he wouldn't turn the brightness on his phone down, as he dialed rhe woman's number.

Ring... Ring... Ri- "Hey Carisi, whats up?"

"Hey Rollins, can you come over?" He didn't want to worry the woman, but he wanted her to hurry to his apartment.

"Yeah... yeah. I will just need to drop Jesse off at her sitter's. Are you okay?" He coups hear her rustling around theough the phone.

"Yes- Well, actually I don't know. Just please hurry."

"I'm on my way." Carisi ended the call.

* * *

"Come in!" He yelled through the door. Amanda pished open the door, carrying three large bags in her hands. "I brought ice cream! I didn't know what kind you like so I just... got a lot." She laughed. Dominick didn't move off the couch. "What's wrong?"

Sonny looked at the floor. "I need a distraction." He stood up.

"Well that's why I brought a lot of ice cream." Carisi stepped closer to the woman, and grabbed the bags from her hands.

"That's not what I meant" He dropped the bags, and leaned towards the woman. Slowly, he pressed his lips against hers and passionately kissed her. Slowly, Carisi and Rollins made their way to his bedroom, kissing each other.

Sonny sat on the bed, and pulled Amanda on top of him. He started to gently pull up her shirt, before she stopped him. "No... We shouldn't." She whispered, them stood up. "I don't think you want this." She started to walk away.

"Yes, I do!" He cried out. He pulled her back. "I need this!" He started to kiss her hastily. "Please," he begged. Slowly a tear rolled down his cheek. Amanda pulled herself off her partner. "I said no. I came over to distract you and-"

"-But this will distract me! Please I can't stop thinking about her! I can't do anything because of how she injured me, and I hate myself!" He cried back. "Nevermind. Just get out. Please." Rollins gave Carisi a sympathetic look. "My sitter has Jesse for the rest of the night, bless her soul, so how about we go eat some ice cream?" She smiled and held her hand out to the man.

Without using the offered help, Sonny slowly pulled himself off the bed, and pulled his knee brace up. "What flavor are you thinking?" She smiled. Rollins ran towards the bags and grabbed two ice cream cartons. Dominick grabbed two spoons, and sat next to Amanda on the couch. Dominick took the dark chocolate ice cream and handed the blonde woman a spoon. "Did you know I get my sling off tomorrow?" He bragged. "Really? Are you going to miss the trail?" They each ate a spoon full of ice cream. "Yeah. I am hoping that everything will line up, so I will finish and be back for just the jury's verdict." Rollins shook her head. "How about we don't talk about the trail?" Carisi smiled. He could finally be distracted. "Sounds perfect."


	19. Chapter 19

Carisi lifted himself off of his mattress. Slowly, he linped into the living room, almost forgetting that Rollins was sleeping on his couch. He had completely forgotten how he had embarrassed himself. On the coffee table were ice cream cartons. The two small flavors that Amanda had eaten were neatly placed one on top of the other, opposed to Sonny's five containers spread among the table, and two on the floor. Had he really eaten that much?

Dominick quietly went back into his room and changed. First he had to go to a doctor's appointment, but then he would be going to watch the end of the trial. Slowly he unbuckled the bulky brace, a hard task for one man. Slowly he slid off the shorts he was wearing and replaced them with grey dress pants, then rebucked the brace on, proving to be another difficult task.

As quietly as he could, after finishing getting ready, Dominick walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pen and pad of paper. On it he wrote: _Had to leave. Don't worry about cleaning up. See you later! ~Carisi._ He set the paper on the coffee table by the couch, and left.

* * *

"Carisi!" Rollins called out. "How'd it go?" She walked closer to Sonny who was almost running down to her. "I got the sling off, byt I have to rest it for a while. Ice it, heating pad, whatever makes it feel better." Amanda couldn't help but notice the large smile on her coworker's face. "That is awesome. You'll be back to work in no time!" Her smile widened as Carisi laughed.

"Haha, yeah." His face turned serious. "How long has the jury been in?" Amanda's smile faded. "Bout an hour. I honestly think they will be done soon, or at least I hope so." Behind her Olivia and Fin appeared.

"Hey man, you got the sling off." Fin smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. Doc said I'll need to rest it, but it is one less thing to worry 'bout." Fin shock his head. "Yeah- I got it."

"How soon until you come back. We really need the extra help." Liv steped forward, amd looked at her detective. He had been through Hell and back, but here he was, one step closer to a recovery, and he almost reminded her of herself.

"I don' know, Lieu. Hopefully soon." He sighed almost embarrassed he wasn't able to return.

Olivia laughed. "Don't worry about it! Forcus on getting better." Her voice was stern, and she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, jury's back." Rollins looked at Sonny. Worry flooded his eyes along woth tears, that he blinked away. "C'mon lets go." He motioned woth his hand, and followed his friends to their seats in the courtroom.

Sonny grew anxious. People will still taking their seats. The noise made him even more nervous. He gently placed a hand on Rollin's knee, which she welcomed by taking his and and wrapoin between her two hands. Although the room was spinning, Rollins had calmed Carisi down, as they waited for the jury.

Amanda leanded over to Dominick. "You good?" She whispers in his ear.

"Not really, but yeah..." Carisi didn't whisper, and was actually quite loud, over the voices fhat were hushing as the jury entered the room. "Order!" The judge yelled out. The first juror stood. "Thank you Your Honor." They nodded to each other. "How do you find?"

The first juror was a small woman, with wavy brown hair. "On the charge of rape in the third degree, we find the defendant... innocent." Christina hugged her lawyer. "On the charge of sexual assault in the second degree, we find the defendant... innocent." Carisi was now holding Amanda's hand so tight, it was turning white. The room spund fast, and the light engulfed him. "On the charge lf assult in the first degree, we find the defendand..." Carisi tuned out the last word, but instantly know what the jury decided, after looking at Amanda's face. A tear streamed down hos face, as Barba turned around to look at the detective. "What have I done?" Carisi starred at Amanda. "I loved her."

Seeing the expression on Dominick's face made Rollins stop cold in her tracks. "Sonny. Sonny!" Shw grasped his attention. "She did this too herself. Not you. This is not your fault, never has been. Christina needs the chance recover, just like you. She needs help, and in there, she will get."

Carisi sighed. Rollin's was right. Another tear rolled down his eye as he hugged Rollins. "Thank you, for saving me, so many times. Thank you."


End file.
